0:00 Okay, pay attention. A sex therapist says there are seven signs a woman is horny but will never say out loud. >> Really? >> Yep. The first one is she says she is bored or lonely. >> As soon as Anna says that I'm going to stick my dick in her mouth. That's >> Whoa! I'm bored. >> Crank. >> [laughter] >> Just crank it in. >> Are you bored? >> No, that's true. There's a >> I'm lonely. >> [laughter] >> There's a chick I was uh seeing in in college cuz you know how they can't just say they don't want to seem like they're a ████ So they can't just tell you I'm horny. >> Mhm. >> And then I remember uh she lived uh in on in Rosemead and she was like, "Hey, I think there's like burglars outside my house." >> So elaborate. Wow. >> Yeah, and I was like, "At 2:00 a.m.?" And she's like, "Yeah, there's burglars outside. She was like,
0:51 "I don't think it feels safe." And I was like, "This ████ wants some dick, I think." And I was smarter then. So I was able to read the signs. >> What if you're a cop and you're responding to a 911 call and you're like, "This ████ wants some [laughter] dick tonight." >> Dude. >> How come you were so evolved then but you were so ████ earlier? >> [laughter] >> I think it's when you're uh when you're just too infatuated, I don't think you have your A game on. >> Oh. >> true. >> So you weren't that into this girl like >> And you're shaking legs and all that. >> You're scared. Yeah, yeah, yeah. >> You're so scared to ████ it up that you're not willing to let go to get like you know like let's say you're holding on to something, right? Sometimes you need to let go to get a better grip of it. But you think as soon as you let go it's going to slip. >> Yep. >> So you're just like, "I'm not going to let ████ go." And then you just it just it says bye anyways. >> the difference with between like how long it takes to text someone you
1:42 actually like. You know, you're like, "Ugh, this sounds stupid." >> Yeah, yeah, yeah. >> But if you don't care it's like boop. >> And it probably would have been the funniest thing ever. >> Yeah, exactly. >> Oh man, that's funny. The burglar? >> Yeah, next one. She finds reasons to touch you. >> Oh, yeah. >> That's a big one. >> Right. So, like a hand on your arm during during a convo. >> Cracking up laughing and she goes like this. >> Smacking your leg. >> you going like that. >> Both of those are actually really good so far for all of our simp fans. >> Agreed. >> Because like they don't they they're they're or like like us when we couldn't read the signs. >> Yeah. >> She's like, "What the hell? She keeps socking me and squeezing me for no reason." >> Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. >> No, they think number three's going to be like like she accuses YOU OF STALKING. >> [laughter] >> IT'S LIKE, "COME ON, GUYS. LIKE >> SHE issues a restraining order. >> [laughter] >> Oh, she's horny.
2:32 >> Yeah, and he's like, "I'm I'm just a guy who doesn't say who who who doesn't take no for an answer." >> Yeah. >> And it's like, "Oh, you brother. Don't. No. No, no, no, no, no." Uh yeah, finds reasons to touch you, right? Touching your shoulder when she laughs, foot maybe brushing against yours under a table. Like deliberately, not accidentally, ████ >> Mhm. But, you also have to read There are some chicks that are just very affectionate out there. So, if she's like that >> Yeah. >> and then she did that to another guy, the things that she did to you means nothing. >> That's a good meter. You got to You got to observe her >> or else you fall head over heels and you're the guy that like falls in love with strippers. >> It's like It's like if you hang out with Dante Basco, you assume that guy wants to ████ you. >> [laughter] >> Cuz the whole time he's just like >> Is he doing that to you? >> He's a He's a He's a >> He's a touchy >> big touchy guy. But, he he I'm talking about he does it to guys.
3:22 >> And he's looking at you talking with a raspy voice and like >> Oh, ████ I'll take you. He's a sexy lost boy, so you're like, "Oh, s███." >> Privilege, man. That's nice. >> what I'm saying. Like you have to like like you have to gauge if that's like their thing. >> Yeah, it's not Dante don't like you. Yeah. Likes everybody. >> Exactly. Um so, the third one, her voice becomes softer and slower. >> Oh. >> Yeah, so when a woman is aroused, her voice often changes. It becomes lower. It becomes slower. It becomes more breathy. >> Yeah, okay. >> This is a little bit corny, but it I think it's true in main. Does that make sense? >> Yes. >> Like I think it's true in the median of like this. It's not as exaggerated >> It's not drastic. >> No, I think it's just now she's speaking and she's conscious of her voice. Oh, nice. >> Or or I think she let her guards down, too. You know, like I'm not like if you meet a girl, like let's say she's working out of a store and she has her
4:12 professional voice on. >> Mhm. >> She's letting you know, like hey, like what which computer do you want to buy? I'm not trying to ████ you. >> Yeah. >> You're my girl right now. >> Right. >> But then if she eventually lets her guard down, you will hear a different voice that comes through and you're like, oh, she's trying to get to know me actually. >> At Best Buy. >> I dig that. >> It becomes more melodic to your ear, I feel like. >> Yeah. >> It's nicer. It's not like, do you want the HP Envy or do you want the compact? >> Yeah. >> But for you, it's like, "Oi, you want THE HP ENVY?" >> [laughter] >> "OI, YOU WANT THE HP ENVY?" >> Number five, she mentions that she is alone. >> Yeah. >> Or or there's >> There's Burger. >> That's what happens. That's what happens to you all the time. >> And you're like, huh? >> Yeah. The hot tub, the freaking >> The hot tub was >> Eh, what does that mean? >> Did Did Geo ever say anything like that? Like when you know, you guys got snowed
5:02 in and you got stuck on that road? >> No, she had zero >> we are, just me and you." >> ████ zero feelings. >> "Hey, I'm alone AND I'M HOG-TIED." >> [laughter] >> AND I GOT AN APPLE IN MY MOUTH. >> SHE NEVER did anything like that? >> No, she was uh No, we had zero feelings at that time. >> And then I think it's like this like decoding of language happens before there's this mutual expression. >> Okay. >> You know, like once you go like, I like you, you like me, that's like, oh yeah, cool, thank god. We we can speak normally. >> we go to my place?" We don't need to have these subtle hints. >> Right. >> And then I think me and Geo got across that part really fast. Cuz you never have to be like, "I'm alone." >> She's no longer protective of her rejection. >> Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because you're already like on the same page. >> You definitely had ████ tell you they're alone. >> Yeah, that sounds like it happened. >> ████ re- The one of the stupidest ████ the
5:52 stupidest of the dupidest ones >> [laughter] >> was the same chick, we went to the retreat together. At the retreat, uh we have like you know you have like um club activities, bonding activities. Oh, can we ████ move this thing from this tree to that tree, whatever. And then so think like like uh Lake Arrowhead, Big Bear type of environment. At night we're in this common place cabin. And we're just either people are playing games, listening to music, having fun or whatever. And then there's co-ed showers. And then and then we're also in bunk beds too in the sleeping quarters. So she was like, "Hey Bart, uh I'm going to go take a shower. Like I didn't bring uh shampoo. Can I borrow some of yours? Do you want to just go We'll just go shower together?" And then that was perfect and I was like, "Oh yeah. Oh, you didn't bring shampoo? No problem. I'll just when I'm done, I'll just slide the shampoo over to you." >> Oh my god.
6:42 >> Later I was like >> and you just gave her fumbled. You ████ fumbled. >> be such a ████ gentleman, you know? You know when you ████ up. So like it's a clear slam dunk. We probably could have been in the same stall, but I was such a ████ gentleman. I'm like, "You go to that one, I'll go to that one and when I'm done, I'll just slide it over to you." >> Yeah. >> She was probably like, "You ████ gay." >> Yeah. >> That happens for sure. Yeah. >> All right, next one. >> [laughter] >> ████ Bart. I apologize. I apologize. >> Next one, number six. She touches her own body. >> Oh, dude, what the hell? >> Well, think about it like this. >> It's pretty clear. She's touching her hair. >> I'm horny. >> Not Not all guys get that though. >> Like I guess what I'm Guess what I'm feeling right now.
7:32 What [laughter] am I >> She's like >> What am I feeling? It's so ugly. I'M HORNY. >> [laughter] >> SHE'S LIKE >> GOOD LORD. >> I'M SO horny right now." >> Jesus. >> Bart would have been looking at that and be like, "Oh, she needs some privacy." >> [laughter] >> Bart's like, "I'm going to shower over there." And we'll meet up in the middle. I'll pass you the soap. >> Okay, if you're going to jack off here, I'm going to jack off over [laughter] there. >> And then you can let me know how it went. >> Oh, ARE WE JACKING OFF RIGHT NOW? SORRY. OH, my eyes. >> Oh my god. >> Hey, are you coming over there? I think I'm pretty close. >> So [laughter] gross, dude. >> Let me know when you come, okay? And and then I'll pass over the I'll I'll pass over the napkin. >> Do you need any more shampoo? >> This is what happens when you ████ it all up. >> I like how Bart is just like a hotel maid. He's like, "More shampoo?" >> [laughter] >> Housekeeping.
8:22 >> Oh, you're going to go shower? Okay, I'll go with you. >> Yeah. >> I'll slide over the soap, all right? >> [laughter] >> So, uh a therapist the therapist explained that she's not necessarily touching her body consciously. She's doing it because she's thinking about you touching her. >> Oh. >> Kind of a sick little tip. >> So, she's like >> [snorts] >> Yeah. >> Cuz I thought like >> Fixes her tits, licks her nips. >> I always This is like a typical one, but I always did hear what like from a young age that when you're having a conversation with a girl, like if you don't really know her, and she just keeps fixing her hair like during the conversation, that's a good sign. >> That's what I hear, too. >> So, this probably is just like the upload the upgraded version of that. >> I've actually heard that from Shannon. >> Yeah, yeah, yeah, definitely. Shannon Boodram. >> Yeah, who's a sex therapist. I wish you're saying that like >> Shannon? >> Because it's >> Shannon Boodram. You Were you here with her? Okay. >> But yeah, she'll like she's written
9:12 books on like >> Oh, okay, she's on JK. >> Yeah, but she'll say that like it's cuz like subconsciously you're even down to be more vulnerable and bare your neck or whatever. But if a if you're talking to a guy and the girl like starts covering up and stuff, that's not a good sign. >> Especially if it's a hijab. [laughter] >> That's what I pictured, too. That's so funny. >> [laughter] >> She's like, "Oh, I forgot I was Muslim, actually." >> Yo, you're Muslim? >> No, I'm not. I just don't like to be talked to. >> For those of you who are too literal, if you're in a windstorm and a chick keeps touching her hair, it's not [laughter] cuz she likes you. Jesus Christ. SHE'S LIKE, "F███ my ████ hair." And this guy's like, "Oh my god, she's all over me." >> And it's not like touching your hair is is not not like in any way, but like that subtle little like >> Yeah, yeah. >> Not like if she's going like this [laughter] or something. Cuz there's bees in the area. >> Yeah, dude, ████
10:02 >> Or if you're on a subway together and the ████ train go like this and she's like, she doesn't want your dick. >> [laughter] >> She's lost balance. >> Clean it up out there. >> Probably needs shampoo, okay? >> Good lord. Okay, the seventh one, I think this is pretty good one. She makes sexual jokes. >> Oh, yeah. >> Dude, if she's the first one to take it there, if she's quicker than a guy doing that, that's a real >> She's hot. First of all, that's a boosty in the points. I don't care if you're if you think you're busted or whatever the ████ If you're funny and you can do cool sex jokes, you're ████ >> boosted. Cuz most chicks will not around in that way. >> No, they don't ever, yeah, never. >> at all. >> They don't want you to get the wrong idea. >> Yeah. >> Want you to get the right idea. >> So, she's already doing that. Don't ████ it up like me. >> You're in. >> Don't ████ it up. >> Not even jokes, though, like the topic
10:52 of sexual ████ >> Yeah, exactly. >> Like comfortable they could be around you with it. They're like, "Welcome." >> Cuz that's highly unlikely they're going to initiate that. >> Mhm. >> But if they did, it means you ████ took too long, dude. >> Yeah. >> Yeah, it means her patience is running thin. >> But the therapist is saying that the reasoning behind this is they're kind of testing the waters a little bit. >> See how you react? >> Kind of seeing like dip the foot in, see how you react, if you're gay. >> If you're barred or not. >> If you're barred, if you're a ████ Terminator robot and you don't know it. >> But like when they when they ask you um how's your wife doing or how your girlfriend's doing cuz they want to see how you react. It's like ████ steal you away. >> Sick. Sick. >> Or if you even have one. >> Yeah, just probing. >> But they just want to see if you're going to match their energy is the idea. >> Sure. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Cuz that's a great like when that happens in in the real situation, it's so
11:43 it's so fun at that point. Yeah. You know what I mean? Once you know that that door is open and you can really just like joke around about stuff like that. It's great. Yeah. >> It's like what if you're ████ >> [laughter] >> Imagine if I just came. Imagine if I just came on your face. You could imagine. She was oh, I would love that. Oh, really? Okay, well, maybe we should just try it. >> Dude. >> Imagine like I'm on all fours and you're eating my butt. >> [laughter] >> Whatever. >> That's That's the joke? >> [laughter] >> That's the joke? >> Like what if you jerked me off, too? It's funny. >> Hey, look at this. Look at this. Imagine you right here. >> Yeah, it's so sick. >> Hey, that's you. >> [laughter] >> Yeah, man. >> You have a gem if she's laughing at that ████ >> That's true. >> [laughter] >> It's not even funny. >> It's not even funny. It's >> She's the one that starts it. >> [laughter] >> Have you Do you guys ever remember a time that a girl was wanting to initiate any kind of conversation of that
12:35 realm before you? >> Yes. Uh I was in seventh grade. >> Whoa. >> Oh. >> And I was in like this um What do you call the the class with the cameras? They have cameras and tripods and ████ >> Oh, like a TV production >> Yeah, thank you. Thank you. It's like that. >> Oh, okay. >> AV Yeah, that kind of AV club ████ So, there was this like ████ tripod, like a small one for like putting like almost like a GoPro, but we didn't have those yet. Like a smaller camera on it and but it had a slider to it and she stuck it between my legs and she just started to ████ pump it. >> Oh, ████ >> I was like this chick is ████ sick. >> Seventh grade. >> Seventh grade. I was like this chick is ████ sick. And then um >> have thought she was like American Gladi >> I know, right? >> Like holy >> And I was like holy ████ Like >> American Gladi [laughter] >> I was like it's like she's stroking my
13:25 dick or whatever and she was like kind of laughing during it, too. So, I was like, "Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha, but like I'm not laughing, though." And that was the one. >> Wow. >> She was the one that got away. >> You think she was trying to uh insinuate something right then and then and there? >> But, I have no idea. >> [laughter] >> I can't get in her head, Bert. >> My version of that was yeah, seventh grade, I think. It's there's this chick. Uh she was sitting right next to me in history class. And then I remember she goes, um What did she say? She's like, "I wish I could make out with someone right now, or I like to practice making out." And I'm like, "Yeah, you should." Or something like that. Something Dumb and Dumber. >> There's some cool guys downtown that way. >> That's straight out of a teen movie, too. It's so perfect. >> But it was also But it was one of those where uh you
14:16 know you know you ever have like a crush on someone? Um but it's one-sided. You never let it be known. And you don't think they ever will have a crush on you. And then when they randomly say something, it catches you off guard like crazy. >> yeah, yeah. >> So, I was just like, "Whoa." It was so crazy of a of uh of an experience. I just wanted to like divert the attention to some other ████ I was just like, "Oh, we could go and practice right now, dude." >> Dude. But if you said that, it would've been better. >> Yeah. That's what she was hoping for, probably. Yeah, fishing for it. You know what's a funny one that like is pretty common? You know, you ever had this thing with somebody where you're you're you're talking about your frustrations about dating to like a friend or a girl friend, and you guys go, "Man, if we're both single when we're 30
15:06 years old, you know what I'm talking about?" >> Yes. >> Have you That's like everyone's had at least one of those. >> We'll just get married. >> Yeah, you have this thing with like a pact, but it's but it's not it's a girl you've never kissed and never will. It's just at some point you said this thing, and it's almost like that's going to be the one that like you never even tried with. >> That's the unrequited one. >> Isn't that odd? >> It's weird. >> Yeah, it's so odd how common that is. >> I had that one. >> Mine was with Joe. >> Hey, if we ever see that guy, we're going to go ████ him up. >> [laughter] >> Hey, that's the Asian version. You wouldn't know. >> [laughter] >> He's too privileged to know. >> Yeah, I'm too privileged and white for revenge concepts. >> [laughter] >> We cashed it in though. >> But I thought that's so interesting that that girl that you do that with is usually the one you never even breach that thing though. You just stay friends. It's weird. >> But do you ever look at them now and go, "F███, I'm so glad I didn't marry her."
15:58 >> Yeah. Yeah. >> Tight. >> Yeah. And she's probably glad she didn't marry me, too. >> Is that an Asian thing? >> Yeah. Sorry again. >> You're so petty, these Asians. >> Shh, Jay. >> So very petty.
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